So I just listened to this sermon Pastor Alistair Begg on relationships. It was very powerful and I really felt like I should share the basic points and a little bit of my analysis on relationships because nowadays, Christian men and Christian women are getting married all “willy-nilly” or getting in relationships that end up hurting/scarring them in the long run. For others this message may be an eye opener, while to some it may just be a reiteration of basic biblical wisdom. However, just like we forget scriptures; we also forget lessons, so I hope this is a reminder for some. I know this message maybe tough to hear for a few people, but it is not meant to be judgmental at all on you or your past. In fact, I was guilty of this more than anyone and that is why I really felt obliged to share this after listening to this message and analyzing my life! So I hope you are blessed by this as much as I was when I writing it!
Praise God!
FIRST AND FOREMOST: Not every Christian relationship with the opposite sex is meant to be THE ONE!! We sometimes get caught up in the fact and believe that “all signs” (different subject all-together) point to "GO" when we meet someone of the opposite sex that is attractive, smart, funny, well-versed, and most importantly a Christian. We then eliminate all obstacles and become “hell-bent” (where we're headed when we continue to disobey God’s warnings) on making this relationship work, despite some of those road blocks being God-sent. If the criteria of a husband or wife were as simple as just being a follower of Christ, we could just go in any church and pick a single Christian we like and that relationship would work! But thank God that isn’t the case! Relationships should be based upon a mutual agreement and understanding between two people and God. Now can two people who don’t know each other at all make an important decision such as marriage in a matter of weeks or months? I don’t know and don’t presume to know, but I believe that God gives every Christian a sound mind and it is up to us to use it, despite our “fleshly” desires to please ourselves.
Marriage is a symbol of honor and obediance to GOD. It is not simply to make us happy! It is to bless the Lord with a commitment of our lives as ONE, towards serving him as unified a couple. Now if we look at marriage this way, we can eliminate the “oh he is coming around, “she is working on it”, or “that’s their fault, not his”, or “it’s just clothes, she can express herself”. I am not implying that everything must be perfect for us to marry or commit to a relationship, but I am implying that we must be committed to OUR GOD more than our EMOTIONAL thoughts. There is a difference between mistakes and deliberate sin and if we are truly Christians, God will not close discernment from us on these issues. It is only us that will turn away from the truths that he reveals to us. Does that person make us think about God at all when we are with them?
For those in relationships already, analyze your partner on a critical level if they truly love God or just going through the motions. Does their life reflect it outside the church? How are they with their family? Are the seeking salvation for their family members or remaining distant/giving up? How do they treat others that hurt them? Do they criticize more than they build up? Are they positive or negative minded? How do they respond to adversity? What is their biblical life like and are they solid in truth? Is our life together with this person occupying God’s time or accentuating it even more? Is our relationship biblically based (living together before marriage, fornication, **family approved**)? Are we able to function for God without that person and then with him/her are you able to function even better for God or do they become a distraction? Ladies, we trust him to lead us? Men, Can we trust her to raise our children and keep your heart?
These are a few things on my mind but now about the message from Pastor Begg!!! I added some comments on the side to create some clarity but feel free to inbox me or post on the this tag if you have any questions.
Pastor Begg states these points are critical for a woman to analyze a man on!
1. Commitment to growing in their relationship with Christ
2. Godly Honesty (not when you feel like but Godly honesty, I don’t know if God knows what a white lie is, should we? There is difference between joking and a plain lie, if you need help discerning...lol hit my inbox)
3. Ability to lead boldly (with love, friendship, humility, and servitude, leading financially (does not have to be the bread winner because there is a difference, but he must lead with Godly Wisdom and wives you must trust his leadership ability or no point getting married to him), leading spiritually=very HUGE)
4. Ability to Love Sacrificially (placing others, specifically his family, above himself and his own self interests)
5.Has to Laugh heartily(having a sense of humor is key in relationships because not everything is going to go well, life has its ups and downs but he must have JOY(not happiness) to overcome those downs) (Philippians 4:6)
6.Genuine Humility(He must be humble and shouldn’t look to be life of the party, or one with the most interesting quotes, tag lines, jokes, and friends, willing to do something without being credited for it)
For Men seek a wife
1. That is committed to Christ and be equally yoked
2. Do not make physical beauty your priority (Proverbs 31:30)
3.Your Wife must have a “dream”(either for herself or for her family, no woman should follow her husband’s dreams solely, it’s a marriage for a reason, but make sure their dreams are beneficial to your family's prosperity in God)
4. Submissive(Your wife should not bossy, self obsessed, vain, and highly opinionated, this does not mean she should be weak but she shouldn't be quick to have her opinions on every issue but rather trusting her husband that she “believes” God has chosen for her. (Even in his failures but as long as it is not continuously)
5. Must show kindness that touches others (Men are the leaders of the home and women are the heart. This is key in disciplining children, helping with financial decisions, charity work, and balance in the home)
6. Your wife should strive to be Feminine not Masculine, A man and a woman have their respective roles in the household, Men you MUST lead by example and do not take the roles of the woman at all costs. There is a reason God placed these barriers and it’s because of the turmoil that arises out of the switching roles. Women in the same manner MUST accomplish their roles and not take the role of their husbands. There can only be one head of a household, doesn't mean abuse your wife or your right as head of household, it means love, cherish, and lead your wife and family with Godly wisdom and courage.
7. This was key to him: sense of humor that braves adversity often spells as a good recipe for long godly marriage.
His last point and one that he tried to drive home was that Christian relationships should be based on BECOMING FRIENDS FIRST!!! It’s not just a saying when people say my wife/husband is my best friend. We don’t necessarily have to be best friends with that special person but we must have a genuine Christian friendship that supersedes relationship issues
